


Mutual

by backtothestart02



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-13 00:31:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7130846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backtothestart02/pseuds/backtothestart02
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shots where Iris tells Barry she has feelings for him (and/or the follow up) in each ep 2x18-2x23. Barry/Iris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2x18

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The Westallen Fandom Family on Tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=The+Westallen+Fandom+Family+on+Tumblr).



> If not for the HUGE support I got, the little dialogue snippet I typed up would never have evolved into a one-shot, let alone a series of one-shots giving alternate endings to the final six episodes of the season. So, thank-you.
> 
> NOTE: Each of these one-shots was written after the ep aired that it's supposed to be feature in, but before the next episode aired. For example, 2x18 was written after the episode aired by before 2x19 aired the following week. So, with almost all of these (can't remember too well since it was a little while back) there should be no spoilers hinting to the next ep (hardly matters now, since the season is over, but still).

Iris took him in, watching as he started to walk out of the room with Joe. Barry was everything she could ever hope for in a man, and in a friend. She felt foolish for not seeing it sooner, or not letting herself see it. What girl didn’t want to fall in love with her best friend?

An unsettling thought hit her like a ton of bricks suddenly though and she sank into herself. She could feel the concern on Caitlin’s face burning into her averted gaze.

“What…what if…” She lost her voice briefly; then cleared her throat to restore it. “I mean,” She raised her eyes to meet Caitlin’s gaze. “Do you think it really matters, that I’ve finally realized I’m in love with Barry?” She caught her breath as the realization of what she’d just done dawned on her. “Wow, it feels weird to say that out loud.” She chuckled nervously to herself.

Caitlin only smiled, not commenting on the latter half.

“Why wouldn’t it matter?” she asked instead.

“Well…” Iris took a deep breath. “What if Barry’s feelings…are no longer there?” She ignored Caitlin’s brief deadpanning stare. “He was with Patty after all, and I could tell he really cared about her. Maybe he even—”

“Loved her?” Caitlin finished softly.

Iris shrugged.

“I guess. Yeah…maybe.”

“I don’t think it matters if he did,” Caitlin continued. “You weren’t ready then, but you are now.” She paused.  “And Iris?”

She looked up at her. Caitlin was still a few feet away but it was as if she could feel her hand on her own, comforting and encouraging her.

“It’s always been you.”

Her heart thudded faster as the beginning of a smile started to spread across her face. It fell away instantly when she caught the movement out of the corner of her eye.  Someone was standing in the doorway, who had likely heard a lot of what both she and Caitlin had just said.

Someone that caused her heart to race.

“Iris?” Barry squeaked.

He cleared his throat and forced a smile, though he kept averting his eyes. Iris seemed to be doing the same thing, afraid if she caught his gaze for more than a split second she wouldn’t be able to look away.

Caitlin smiled to herself at the sweet oddity surrounding her and got to her feet.

“I’ll leave you two alone…go see if Cisco might be in his workshop after all,” she murmured on her way out the door.

……………

 

The silence was deafening.

Barry’s head was swimming. He’d had suspicions about Iris in the past. He’d even heard her declaration of feelings in another timeline, in what felt like forever ago. But not recently. No, recently she’d only barely started to move on from her grief due to Eddie’s death. And with her boss no less, the editor. _Scott_.

Every time he thought of the man he wanted to cringe. Didn’t he have a thing against him anyway? Well, the Flash. Still.

But he knew it was just jealousy. Because Iris – in this timeline – had admitted to thinking about him, but not wanting to because of Eddie. Barry had been the best friend, and had no problem with that. He knew she needed time to grieve. Now that she was ready to move on, he wondered why it wasn’t with him.

“How was your date last night?” He found himself asking.

Iris blinked and then looked at him, confused.

“Uh…” she stammered. “It was…well, I—” She’d been about to say _great_ , or something along those lines, when she realized she’d bailed. “I didn’t go.”

Barry felt his heart swell and couldn’t suppress the smile that started to spread across his face.

“Really.”

She rolled her eyes, but knew she was starting to smile too.

“And why was that?” Barry tried to sound serious, curious only, but he was still smiling and not attempting at all to stop. Iris looked up at him and he made some effort.

“How much did you hear?” she demanded playfully and wished she hadn’t. He’d clearly heard enough.

He gave her a look of pure innocence and she returned with an all-knowing sparkle in her eyes. Then she sighed, but more from nerves than annoyance at how smug he was being.

“Barry, I…”

He suppressed a teasing _yess???_ Because he could see the nerves written all over her face, her fingers trembling a little, and it reminded him of all the anxiety he’d had when he told her he loved her the Christmas before last.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us…”

She wasn’t looking at him, was fiddling with her shaking fingers. He was careful not to say anything, but he was tense with anticipation.

“I know that we left things kind of uncertain before…”

She didn’t say _Eddie died_ , but Barry heard it and sobered up.

“…well, you know.”

He nodded along, lamenting just as she was for that terrible sacrifice.

“But I meant what I said before,” she said, sitting straighter, fortifying herself. “Without your support, I wouldn’t have had the courage to move on.”

He looked up at her, smiling softly, just at her appreciation of him.

“And I…I really think…” She cut herself off and stood, came to him. “Barry-”

He stood too and took her trembling hands into his own.

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous…I mean, you’re my best friend and I…I was just talking to Caitlin, and it was so easy. She—”

“Iris.”

Her eyes fixed on his.

“I still have feelings for you.”

Her mouth went dry.

“Really?” she rasped.

He wanted to laugh at her disbelief, that she would even wonder if his heart beat only for her.

“Really.” He assured her with a grin. He cupped her face in his hands. “Iris. I’m in love with you. That has never changed.”

Her breath caught in her throat and a hesitant smile started to stretch across her face. Her heart beat wildly. She could hear the sound in her ears. She could feel Barry’s hands very distinctly on her face, sinking into her hair, wrapping softly against the side of her neck. And then his lips were on hers and she felt like she was flying.

 It was hard to wrap her head around what was happening. It somehow felt like déjà vu. The only time she’d kissed Barry before now was in her dreams for the last couple months. She couldn’t explain the feeling. So she abandoned it and let herself sink into the moment. She moved closer and set her hands on his waist. Then abruptly, unthinkingly, she pulled him flush against her body and moaned, even against his muffled surprise.

Eventually they broke away, both breathing hard and leaning their foreheads against each other.

“Wow.”

He laughed. “Yeah.” He took some more breaths. “To put it mildly.”

She lifted her head and looked at him. Chills erupted all over her body when he met her eyes. The words were on the tip of her tongue but she couldn’t force them out. She just stared at him for an eternity and then spat out,

“You are a really good kisser.”

He chuckled a little. “I was highly motivated.” He paused, thinking, and then smiled. “And very excited.”

That sobered Iris surprisingly. The smile slipped off her face and she became very serious.

“Barry, I love you,” she all but whispered.

His heart dropped, but he couldn’t process the words quick enough before she continued.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. When we’re together, lately…I’ve always been wondering what it would be like if we were…more than what we are, what we have been. And I was so worried, because I didn’t know what it would mean if we took that step. And you have seemed so unaware that I was so focused on you that I thought…” She left the sentence unfinished, aware of him shaking his head.

She smiled and gushed up at him. “I’m just…completely in love with you.” She caught her breath and cupped his face in her hands, tracing her fingers across his features. “I think I have loved you for a long time. I just…couldn’t seem to…”

He nodded, reminding himself to keep breathing.

“I know. It was that way for me too.”

“No.” She gave him a crooked smile. “You always knew what you wanted.”

“I always wanted you,” he said simply.

She was drowning in his eyes but his lips kept drawing her gaze as well and the feel of his arms around her and just how _hot_ her best friend was, and how much he loved and adored her. And how that had always been there, and she’d been oblivious.

“We should probably kiss again,” she said.

He nodded enthusiastically.

“Mhmm, we probably should.”

He pulled her close for another fiery kiss. For all the chaos surrounding him and the whole team…with Zoom and Earth 2 and getting faster, Iris telling him she loved him pretty much topped the charts as an excellent distraction. And also, the greatest moment in his entire life.


	2. 2x19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEDICATION: To the westallen fandom on tumblr. I needed a last minute detail and you all banded together to either spread the news by reblogging or responding with a solid answer, so I could finally get going. You’re also incredibly gushing of everything I make and post and in all my years of a fangirl of many things, I can’t remember having such a gorgeous fanbase (this is including the MEGA fanbase of Chuck & Blair from Gossip Girl). So, this chap goes out to all you wonderful people. Thanks for being such a help!

On the surface, she knew – Iris _knew_ – that the night had ended on a high note. Team Flash had banded together, without Caitlin, without Barry’s speed, and had defeated another metahuman. It was touch and go there for awhile and Iris had a surge of panic in the midst of the beatings Barry had to pretend wasn’t hurting him all that much. But they had soared through to the finish it all. And, to add to it, Barry had received Wally’s thanks for saving his life. Though she didn’t had either made his night or reminded him of what he’d lost and how maybe he could’ve done something differently. Her father had only mentioned it in passing as they went their separate ways. It was likely though that at least part of the experience Barry had enjoyed. Wally had to be some kind of encouragement, especially with the apparent euphoria on his face that Joe had witnessed from afar.

And so, all this considered, Iris knew that she should feel better than she was. Rescuing Caitlin was still an impossibility at this point, but Harry was safe; he was reunited with his daughter. Barry was also safe, and as selfish as it might be, that was always Iris’s number one priority.

She knew that at this moment, everything was as okay as it could possibly be.

Yet, here she was, away from her apartment ( _Eddie’s_ apartment, that she both longed to move out of and also somehow still couldn’t make herself) in the house she’d grown up. She sat on the couch in the living room, in the dark, not even trying to sleep. She hadn’t bothered to try at her apartment, so she wasn’t going to here. Her mind was still racing, her heart jumping all around inside her chest. The terror of Barry in serious danger when he’d battled the rapidly aging metahuman the night before still clung to her like a ghost. Being in the same house as Barry eased the tension in her a little, but she knew it would be awhile before she was completely rid of it.

“Iris?”

As luck would have it – or maybe irony, the focus of her thoughts was now in a much closer vicinity to her. She turned around and smiled hesitantly at him where he stood looking very confused on the last step at the base of the staircase.

“Hi, Barry.”

Her voice squeaked a little, as if she was just waking up. When his expression didn’t change much, she noticed the weariness in his face and the dark circles under his eyes, and knew he hadn’t been able to sleep a wink either.

Wordlessly, he ambled over into the living room and sat next to her on the couch. The silence continued for awhile, until he finally spoke up.

“You’re up early.”

She smiled a little, trying to be brave, and appreciating, as always that he never questioned _why_ she was there. She didn’t live there, but she was there so often sometimes it felt like she did. It was comforting to her.

“Couldn’t sleep,” she said, and he nodded along. She knew he understood. He’d been pacing around for hours in his room, tossing back and forth in his bed. She’d heard it even if it hadn’t woken Wally or her dad.

He glanced down at her clothes and must’ve realized she was wearing the same ones as when he last saw her because the next time he met her eyes they were full of concern.

“Have you not been home, Iris?”

She forced a bit of a smile and shrugged.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said again, and gave no more explanation.

“Do you want some coffee?” he asked, not pushing, and knowing full well she didn’t want to make an appearance in public, even if by some miracle there was a shop open at 4:30am.

“Sure,” she agreed and he got up to make it for her – for them probably. His hand tugged on hers to pull her up with him and her heart raced for a different reason.

 ……………

 

About an hour later, Wally and Joe still in restful slumber, Barry and Iris decided to go out on a walk. The desire and denial for sleep still clung to them, but the coffee had made them more alert and being together had relieved the tension each of them had felt all night long.

Try as he might though, Barry couldn’t keep his mind off recent events.

“I know that we just took down Grey without my powers, but…I have no idea how to get Caitlin back without them.”

Iris hesitated before saying, “I don’t think we can…”

He looked at her, slowing almost to a stop, complete hopelessness on his face.

“Then what are we going to do?”

She stopped entirely and hugged him, so tight she was afraid he’d try to let go, but he didn’t. He hugged her back just as close. When she finally pulled away, she cupped his face in her hands and stared deep into his eyes, making sure his only focus was on her next words.

“I don’t know yet, Barry…” His weary sigh just about killed her. “But…I don’t think this is the end. We’re going to figure it out somehow. It’s not over yet.”

He sighed again and they continued to walk, this time clasping hands. She knew he didn’t believe her for a second but she appreciated he didn’t say so. Just as when she’d told him before that he was still a hero even without his speed, he wanted desperately to believe her. If he said he didn’t out loud, that whisper of hope might be completely crushed.

Trying to resume any casual conversation now was pointless, so they just walked in silence. After some time they found themselves in a park and settled down on a park bench. Neither said a word, but the need to comfort him more somehow called out to Iris. She reached across the space between them and slipped her fingers in his hair gently, and then ran her knuckles along the side of his face. Without thinking he leaned into it and when her hand rested on the side of his head, he leaned more, somehow more at peace than he’d been moments earlier. He closed his eyes.

“Barry…?”

“Mmm?” Drowsiness finally appeared to be affecting him but for some reason she needed to get this out.

“Can we pretend there is no Zoom?”

Barry laughed and spit out sarcastically, though she knew there was no venom towards her.

“Sure. Let’s pretend there’s no Zoom. Let’s pretend Caitlin is back here safe, that Ronnie was never killed, that there was no singularity, that there are no metahumans, that my mentor for almost a year wasn’t trying to kill me, that…”

“-there was no particular accelerator explosion?” She cut in and his eyes opened.

“Yeah,” he finally said, but she wondered if he meant it.

“Barry,” she took a deep breath. “If you don’t ever get your speed back, assuming that’s possible, would you be satisfied?” She held up her hand when it looked like he was about to interrupt. “If Zoom was defeated, Caitlin and everyone we love was safe, evil metahumans gone…would you be satisfied?” She tried to gauge his reaction, how his face moved from emotion to emotion. “Or…do you need that now to have a fulfilling life?”

He didn’t respond right away, and she knew he was struggling trying to think about the hypothetical situation she’d just described.

“It’s become a part of me, Iris,” he finally said. “I don’t know who I am without it.”

She decided not to remind him of her pep talk to him before where they clearly addressed this.

“Barry: The Forensic Scientist…doesn’t appeal to you anymore?” she asked, trying to lighten the mood ever so slightly but he was taking her questions so seriously now.

“No, it does,” he continued, “I love doing that kind of work. But that’s observing, analyzing. I can’t fix anything I’m seeing. I can’t stop it from happening. I just determine the cause.” He sighed.  “That was fulfilling before, but after being able to _save lives_ …”

She nodded, understanding. “I get it.” She waited for words that wouldn’t come. “I guess I just wondered if I would be enough for you.”

She realized the slip of the tongue right as Barry’s head whipped toward her and his eyes were wide as saucers.

“ _Joe_ ,” she emphasized, somewhat louder than she meant to. “If _Joe_ and I, my _dad_ and I, would be enough for you. Even if you weren’t the Flash.”

He didn’t say anything for awhile and she wondered if she’d gone too far.

“You are my family,” he said then. “Both of you are. And Wally too. Even as the Flash I needed you and Joe in my life. And when I wasn’t, I needed you even more.”

“But if you never are again?” she pushed.

“I’d rather not think about that,” he said solemnly. “It…It scares me.” He took a deep breath. “But, if that were to happen, I think I’d need you more than anyone.”

“Me _and_ my dad,” she clarified, forcing herself not to cling to too much hope. Because her thoughts were veering in another direction now.

“Of course,” he said, oblivious to how her eyes were welling up with tears she couldn’t understand as she looked away.

Then he looked back and saw it, just as he had when she told him about Wally the first time.

“Iris.” He turned her face toward him when she didn’t immediately refocus her gaze. “Is there something wrong? Something you’re not telling me? Something _just_ having to do with you?”

“It’s…” her breath caught in her throat. “It’s nothing. I’m just…so happy you need me.”

“Iris…”

She wiped away the tears starting to pour down her face. She felt so humiliated. How could she start getting upset over Barry might not having feelings for her anymore just because he hadn’t specifically said she was the one he would need the most? She was being childish and selfish and maybe even misinterpreting everything he’d said. Or maybe she hadn’t asked the right questions because she’d been afraid to ask them. Perhaps she was just tired and so crying was just triggered a lot quicker.

Before she could think of what to say next, to put a stop to her sudden emotional onslaught, his arms were wrapped around her, concern etched in every word he was saying.

“Please tell me what’s wrong, Iris…”

“Don’t worry about me, Barry. I’m…I’m probably just overtired. And after all, I’m supposed to be helping _you_ , not the other way around. Not right now-”

Barry cut her off. “You are my first priority. Always. If something’s wrong and it can be solved without lightning speed, please tell me.” He pulled back a little and wiped away another of her silent tears. “I’d like to feel useful again.” He attempted to chuckle, but she wasn’t sure if he pulled it off.

It was now or never. This moment would either make or break her, or both, but focused on her now instead of his drowning in his own self-loathing, she knew this was the time.

She swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak.

“I…do you ever think about us?”

“What?” he squeaked, blushing a little, and she instantly felt better. “…us? Wh-what…” He stopped and cleared his throat. “What about us?” he tried to ask casually. It was amazing how he was suddenly timid and embarrassed and totally thrown for a loop. Her tears completely ceased.

“Well, Barry…” she started to smile. “I know we’re friends. But…you remember last year when you told me how you felt, right?”

His mouth hung open, not speaking. She wondered if he was breathing.

“Uh-huh,” he managed.

“I guess…I just wondered, if that was happening now, if my answer was different than it was then, and you didn’t have your speed…would it matter what I said? Would it change how you feel right now?”

He seemed to be lost in her eyes and it made her heart race. Her stomach filled with beautiful metaphoric butterflies. She almost didn’t care that he wasn’t answering her questions.

“Um…”

“Barry?”

She saw the many emotions spread across his face and knew when he was able to force himself to break out of whatever trance he’d fallen under.

“Why are you asking me this, Iris? And, are you asking me this as a friend? Or…”

She said nothing, deciding to let him figure it out.

“…family?” he offered, his voice very close to a squeak again.

Her short laugh turned into a happy little sigh. She felt everything inside her start to soar. It was amazing how this particular subject had just snapped him out of everything. She knew it would only be temporary, but the fact that it had managed to alter both their moods made her realize she would never regret bringing this up.

“You’re afraid to say it,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip, still smiling.

“What?” he asked with an innocence that was see-through.

“You’re afraid to ask if I’m asking as someone who’s in love with you.”

He went white as a sheet, and then red. He opened his mouth several times, but no words came out at all.

“What…? I wasn’t…I mean, I-” He cleared his throat.

“-Barry.”

He turned his head just in time for her lips to come into contact with hers. There was surprise at first, but then his lips moved against hers as if there had been no surprise at all. As if they were made to be there.

When she pulled away, he was still unable to form fully conformed words.

“I didn’t go on that date the other night, Barry,” she said softly.

He looked up at her and she knew they were both thinking about how very _long_ ago that date night felt.

“You didn’t?” She shook her head. “But I thought…”

“I am ready to move on. And I know this is terrible, terrible timing. Worse than your timing at Christmas when I was moving in with Eddie, but…” She took a deep breath. “I’ve finally realized who I want to be with. Who I can’t stop thinking about, can’t stop dreaming about, can’t stop…wanting to kiss.” She laughed a little nervously, as she just briefly let her eyes drop to his lips. “All the time.” She swallowed and met his eyes. “Barry, I don’t want to waste any more time. And if you…if you still feel the same way, as you did then…I would really love if you told me.”

She saw him take a few breaths and for the first time in their whole conversation, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“It’s always been you, Iris.”

He said it matter-of-factly, and there was not but… that followed. Her insides started to burst with happiness again, and when he intiated the next kiss everything in both their worlds felt as it was supposed to.

He pulled away too soon – in her opinion – and when she tried to go in for another kiss he held back. She looked up at him, confused and a touch nervous.

“But before we make this thing official,” he said, smile wide as a Cheshire cat. “I really do need to hear you say it.”

She glowed when she said, “I love you, Barry Allen.”

His smile widened somehow, and she couldn’t remember seeing him this happy in a long time.

Then he traced his finger along the outline of her lips and whispered,

“I love you, Iris West.”

She pushed past his finger and kissed his lips again.

It would be a long road till everything was really right in the world again. So much chaos and danger surrounded them so much more than before. But for this moment, for this brief capsule of gold in the sands of time, Barry Allen and Iris West were filled with peace and overflowing happiness.


	3. 2x20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Immediately following the monumental near love-declaration from Iris.

 

She had no intention of checking on Wally and Jesse.

Well, at least not right now. Maybe in a few minutes. After she had fully processed everything she’d just said to Barry. And her heart had slowed a few beats.

She was still in the process of reminding herself to breath when her dad showed up from around the circular hall.

“Hey baby, how’d it go? Did you talk to Barry?”

Her mouth opened, prepared to tell as little about what they’d actually discussed as possible, but without warning she blurted the opposite.

“I told him how I felt.” She pursed her lips quickly to keep herself from saying anything else.

For a moment, Joe looked mystified. Iris knew the exact moment he made the connection though because his eyebrows went from scrunched together to raised above his eyes.

“Oh. Wow.” He blew out a sigh and folded his arms across his chest. “Well, how’d he take it?”

She would ask him at a later, safer time, why he chose to completely ignore the fact that he hadn’t sent her to talk to Barry about _that_ , or that he didn’t pursue further explanation of how her feelings had come into being. It was a little unnerving that he’d only needed a few seconds to realize what she meant, and that it wasn’t entirely in regards to Barry strapping himself in for another particle accelerator explosion.

“He…didn’t say anything,” she admitted.

She wasn’t about to inform her father about the – _why are you telling me this now?_ – bit because she was pretty sure he’d only agree with Barry’s frustration on that part. She didn’t want to get lectured about that now when she wasn’t really sure where exactly she stood with Barry now. He knew how she felt, sure; and she got a sense he might still feel the same way, but the deafening silence through the latter part of her confession still made her uneasy. She worried she’d opened up a little too late.

“Probably shocked the living daylights out of him,” Joe was saying.

“Right…” she agreed half-heartedly. “No.” Iris forced herself to refocus. “I’m sure he just needs time to process it. A lot is going on right now. Really _serious_ stuff.” Her laugh made a disturbing sound and she knew her insecurities were showing. “Not to mention, it’s been a long time since—”

“Honey, no.” Joe cut her off and came closer, his eyes softening. “That boy is in love with you. I guarantee he just never imagined you might actually feel the same way.”

A small smile accompanied by an almost silent laugh slipped through.

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head.

“And hey, when all this is over, and he manages to find his tongue again, I will happily smack him upside the head for not saying a word.”

Iris laughed, genuinely this time.

“Thanks, dad.”

“Any time, baby girl,” he said and pulled her along down the hall towards where everyone aside from Barry was gathered.

……………

 

He heard the click of her heels and knew she had left the room. Before he could make up his mind on whether or not to follow her just yet, Joe’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“Barry.”

The nod in the direction Iris had gone confirmed the decision Barry had decided to make. He turned around swiftly and disappeared into the long winding hallway.

He found her leaning against the far side of one of the one of the curving walls trying to pull herself together. He could see the pep talk she was giving herself by the way her face contorted. Even at a distance he could see the couple tears streaming down her face. It tore him up that his decision was hurting her but he knew he couldn’t go back on it for either of their sakes. The entire world was now in severe danger with nothing to save it. This was the only way any sort of protection could be established, let alone defeating Zoom for good. It might not work, but he had to try.

 “Iris.”

She looked up at him and quickly wiped the streaming tears off her cheeks. She pulled at her lapels as if she was going into an interview, tossed some of her hair over her shoulder and made her way towards him, avoiding eye contact. She stopped far enough away that he couldn’t touch her unless he closed the distance between them with at least one step.

She took a deep breath and scrambled around in her mind for some vocabulary.

“I know you have to do this. I know there’s no other way, that there’s no other person who could even attempt to…” Her breath caught in her throat. She swallowed and finally looked up at him. “I respect your decision, Barry.” She nodded and then looked away again. “God, I wish you hadn’t come after me…”

He took that step then and pulled her into his arms.

She let herself be held. She melted into him and tried not to cry into his shirt. A few quiet tears leaked out of her eyes and stained him though. She didn’t care. If something went wrong, there was no way of knowing when she’d feel him like this again.

“I’ll always come after you,” he whispered.

The words themselves were frustrating and reassuring at the same time, but the way he said them calmed her as nothing else could have.

“Barry…” She lifted her head to look up at him. “…about before?” She looked away again. “I know that wasn’t appropriate. It was bad timing. It was everything wrong. I just needed to tell you, because…”

“I know,” he said and she stopped talking. She looked at him. “You’re the reason I didn’t say yes right away after we talked. Or, after _you_ talked.” He tried to smile a little, insert a little chuckle, but wasn’t sure he pulled it off. “Because I want that, Iris. I want everything you want.” He paused and cupped her face, drinking in her eyes so she would be completely focused on him. “And I didn’t want to jeopardize that by risking my life.”

She swallowed and then nodded. “I understand.”

Her broken face defied everything she said.

“I hate that this hurts you. You have to know that I wouldn’t be doing it if there was any other option. I just…”

“Barry, it’s okay.” She said it soothingly, not as a reprimand, and held his face in her hands. “I said I understand and I do. I’m not standing here telling you not to do it. You believe you have to. I will stand with you no matter what happens. And when it’s over…” She let the sentence hang unfinished, because honestly even the idea of that future time seemed light years away, practically an impossibility. “Well, it’ll be up to you to decide what comes next.”

He watched her face and saw her willing herself not to cry, resisting as much as she could to not run away, trying so hard to be brave. He thought of all the thing he wanted to say and didn’t know how to spell them out, so instead of speaking he did what he should have done before, if the shock of her admitting how she felt hadn’t put him into such a mute stupor.

Barry very slowly, very cautiously, lowered his lips to hers and kissed her sweetly. It was only a brush of the lips and it killed him because who knew what would happen? The first kiss they had shared in _his_ memory had held so much more passion. But this moment was fragile and he didn’t want to break it.

But before he could berate himself for complaining about the smallest of kisses, Iris kissed him back, pressing her lips firmly to his and lengthening the kiss by a mile. Seconds passed and when she finally pulled back and looked up at him, she flushed.

“In case something happens,” she said, defending her impulsive action.

He nodded, then smiled and pulled her into his arms again. He felt her relax, felt her wrap her arms around his waist and tuck her head beneath his chin. He found himself wishing the world would just save itself, so he could cherish this moment to its fullest. His own eyes watered in frustration because as he’d told his father earlier, whenever something good happened to him it was ripped away. There was no one telling him he would lose Iris, but as strong as he maintained for appearances, inside he was still scared.

“I have to change into my suit,” he said and swallowed.

She pulled back and looked up at him.

“Let me come with you,” she said.

He nodded, then reached for her hand and intertwined their fingers. He walked with her to where the red suit hung waiting for him to embrace the destiny he’d always had, as hero of the city.

 


	4. 2x21

Barry found himself ambling back to STAR Labs after saying goodbye to Iris. He was feeling pretty good right about now, about Iris, about defeating Zoom… but he knew he had to be smart. There was no time to just sit and relax, especially when Caitlin was still being held captive. With his speed restored, an invigorating sense of victory stirred him on. He could practically taste the thrill of knowing the city would soon be at peace again and their biggest concern would be shutting down metahumans from the first particle accelerator explosion.

He had just reached the lab, breathing out a deep sigh of satisfaction when he heard Joe chuckle from the other side of the room.

“Joe?” he asked, startled. This was the last place he expected his second father to be.

“You’re really glad to have your speed back, aren’t you, Barry? – or should I say, _Flash_?”

Barry couldn’t help the wide grin that spread across his face.

“Best feeling in the world,” he said. “I really think we can destroy Zoom now. Especially if…”

“Nope,” Joe said, following his train of thought. “Wally doesn’t have it. At least not yet. I dropped a mug and he made no effort to catch it.”

“Oh, _Joe_ ,” he groaned, remembering when he’d tried that trick on him.

“Yeah…Iris wasn’t too happy about it either, given that…it was a mug she gave me.”

“Just take extra good care of the one she gives you this year,” Barry said, coming to stand across from Joe. He expected the detective to laugh, but he didn’t.

“Speaking of Iris…”

Barry tried to slow the rapid beating of his heart or the heat that he felt consuming his face but it was hard to contain. He knew where this was going.

“…is something going on between you two?”

Barry tilted his head, wearing a mask of confusion that he knew wouldn’t deceive Joe for a minute. He opted for a different spin of the truth.

“I almost _died_ , Joe. That’s the second time she’s had to go through something like that in the last two years. She’s just feeling protective.”

“And not just because you’re best friends,” he finished.

Barry paled. “It’s not—”

“What aren’t you telling me, boy?”

“I don’t know why you think—”

“I _think_ , because your father was about to go into that vortex to pull you out, but Iris _pleaded_ with him to let her go instead. Bare, I have not seen her _that_ desperate…maybe in her entire life.”

Barry felt warmth spread through him at the passion that must have driven her to do such a thing, the same kind of passion he’d seen in her eyes and heard in her voice when she called him home.

“Before I left…she told me she had feelings for me, that she thought we were meant to be together.”

Joe’s eyes widened.

“Oh wow.”

Barry nodded.

“Yeah.”

Suddenly Joe frowned.

“So, why aren’t you jumping for joy right now?”

Barry looked away and wrapped a hand around the back of his head, uncannily similar to what he’d done with Iris when she’d laid her heart on the line. When he looked back at Joe, the near glare told him he couldn’t afford to be silent as he had been with her.

“I really hope this isn’t how you responded to her when she told you how she felt.”

Barry gave a short nervous laugh.

“I kind of…didn’t say anything.”

Joe’s eyebrow’s rose to nearly the top of his forehead.

“I know, I know,” Barry said, both defending and scolding himself simultaneously. “It was just really bad timing…things were tense, and I was making a really hard decision.”

Joe sighed. “And now?”

“Now things are better.” He nodded, allowing himself to relax a little. “We went and visited my mom’s grave, and I told her some things. When I was stuck in the speed force…I learned a lot, Joe. I have a whole new perspective on everything now, and I think it’s going to be good. More than good. We’re all going to survive this. And then—”

“What did you tell her, Barry?”

Barry chided himself for thinking everything he’d said that didn’t directly involve Iris just now was going to distract Joe from his main objective.

“I told her the truth. She’s everything to me and her voice will always bring me home.”

Joe smiled.

“You’re such a romantic.”

Barry blushed a little and then shook it off.

“I also told her though that I don’t really know where we go from here, which she was fine with. I said that other stuff after it, so—”

Joe groaned. “ _Bare_ —”

“I was just trying to be honest! I have to be honest with her, Joe. After everything we kept from her last year, I refuse to lie to her anymore.”

“And I get that, I do,” Joe paused, clearly trying to find the right words to express what he wanted to say. “I just…don’t know what you’re waiting for.” He held up a hand when Barry looked like he was about to interrupt. “Zoom. Right. I know. But maybe you could give her a little reassurance that when everything is back to normal – or as normal as it can possibly get, you won’t be walking around her on eggshells, telling yourself you’re trying to figure out how to move forward when you really are just sitting around hoping you’ll both be moved to that place by doing nothing.”

Barry sighed.

“When I left her a little while ago, everything was fine. She wasn’t bitter. She wasn’t tense. She didn’t appear to be sad at all, at least not about us. She was actually pretty happy.”

“I’m sure that’s true,” he agreed, but Barry knew there was more coming. “I can also guarantee you that later tonight, it’s going to be your first words than ring in her head, not your closing lines about how much she means to you.”

He frowned.

“I’m sure that’s not true…”

“I’m not saying she’ll forget everything else you said to her, but—”

“But?”

“Maybe if you did something in the way of…procreative action, instead of just words, she might—”

“Joe, are you telling me to _make out_ with your daughter?”

“No. _No_. I did _not_ say make out. What you decide to do is completely your own decision.”

Barry started to laugh.

“You want me to kiss her!”

“Barry…” he sighed and someone silence lingered while Barry alternated between trying not to laugh and being unable to suppress at least a smile. “I mean, don’t you _want_ to kiss her?”

Barry thought about Iris. He though past his insecurities and uncertainties, past what it would mean if he kissed her and found he was even a little nervous to try it, despite the fact he’d done it before with no qualms whatsoever.

Instead, his thoughts settled on her beautiful smile, her chocolate eyes, and the hair that he always longed to run his fingers through. He thought about how naturally her hands clasped his and the chills that rippled through him on the rare occasions their fingers intertwined. He thought of the feel of her dainty waist and those sexy hips that he always just barely skimmed when they hugged. He thought about her wardrobe choice that always emphasized her figure and her high high heels that made her legs go on for miles. He thought about…

Well, he felt the heat from Joe’s glare across from him.

“Don’t think _too_ hard,” he warned.

Barry snapped back to reality and shook his head.

“N-No, of course not.” His voice squeaked.

Joe sighed and ran a hand over his face, knowing he had only himself to blame.

“Go,” he said. “ _Go!_ ” he repeated when Barry still hadn’t moved. He raised his hand in a command for him to get moving before he forbid him from kissing his daughter after all.

Barry chuckled and took off at the speed of light, his red trail following behind him.

……

 

Iris’s silhouette was visible in the warm lights of the kitchen visible from the street. He’d been right to check at home first instead of going to her apartment. He was well aware of their closeness earlier, and though she hadn’t said so, he knew she was still afraid she might lose him again if she stayed away for too long.

Besides, her apartment was on the other side of the city. Being too far away from the safety of their little team was always dangerous while Zoom still ruled the city with an iron fist and an uncanny ability to threaten them all with the safety of those closest to them. He’d taken Caitlin first. There was no way of knowing who would be next, regardless of the fact that no one else in their group was the focus of his obsession.

He was in and out of his suit and into comfortable clothes seconds from coming in the door. He also checked Wally’s room and found the room vacant. He was slightly worried but figured he’d ask Iris about it as soon as he made it downstairs.

“Barry?” he heard Iris call and his heart started to accelerate.

“Hey,” he said, a gentle smile spreading across her face when he found her looking for him where she stood near the kitchen table.

“Hey,” she responded softly.

She started walking towards him, her eyes fixed on his, and he began to wonder too how he’d be able to dance failingly around the topic of what their future held when she looked at him the way she was looking at him now. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the girl he’d loved since childhood staring into his eyes the same way he’d always longed to look into hers but had had to suppress so she wouldn’t get suspicious.

“Where’s Wally?” he asked before she reached him. He told himself he was worried about Wally’s wellbeing, but he knew in his gut that was a lie. He wasn’t overly concerned. He was just trying to cover his bases.

“He went to visit Jesse.” She smiled a little. “I think he kind of has a thing for her.”

He laughed a little nervously.

“He could just be concerned. They’ve bonded a little in the—”

“Two times they’ve been in the same vicinity?” She raised an eyebrow.

Barry laughed. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Her quirky, impossibly adorable expression faded into something much more serious and she closed the distance between them to hold him close. He found his arms wrapping around her and held her to him. His hands moved in soft circle on her back.

“Iris?”

She sighed contentedly.

“It’s so good to hear your heart beating.”

He could feel her snuggling into his chest and tucked her head beneath his chin.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He stroked her hair soothingly. “I promise.”

She pulled back a few inches and looked up at him with a smile on her face.

“I know. The _Flash_ can withstand anything, even being blown to smithereens and being sucked into the speed force.”

“That you got me out of.”

She forced a smile and nodded.

“I…I couldn’t trust anyone else to save you. If anyone was going to fail, it was going to be me. And I figured I had the best chance. Everyone cares about you, everyone loves you, but…” She swallowed to prevent tears from spilling. “But not as much as I love you.”

The warmth spread through him again, accompanied by chills. He drank in her gaze, seeing nothing else, aware of only the two of them as he had so many times before.

“I know I didn’t say it earlier. I implied it, but…you have to know, I love you, Iris. I have never stopped loving you. And when you look at me the way you’re looking at me now…I can barely catch my breath.”

She smiled, her eyes twinkling.

“Me too, Barry.”

He cupped her face in his hands, saw her preparing, but not being nervous at all.

Then tentatively, he angled his head and lowered his lips to kiss her.

It felt glorious to kiss her, even better than the first time. So he kissed her again and again and even managed to forget his conversation with Joe about this very action.

His hand sunk into her hair and another ran down her back. He felt her shudder, heard her gasp and moan and decided that if he had to give up oxygen to just keep going, he would.

Her arms snuck around his neck and she pulled him closer, her nails skimming along the skin his t-shirt collar allowed. She found herself wanting to touch more of him and wanting him to touch more of her, but even with their shared feelings she knew it was too soon. That’s what the logical side of her said at least. The other half wanted to drag him into his bedroom – or be carried there in a second – and not leave the room until either of them needed food.

But finally he pulled back, knowing they both needed oxygen.

“I should’ve done that before,” he said.

“I think now was just right, Bare.” She traced her finger along the edges of his face and smiled at him. He  smiled back.

Then she pulled his head down to hers and nuzzled him gently. He started to sway them both and let the slow dance move to the sound of their hearts beating inside their chests.


	5. 2x22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This starts right after Barry speeds off to follow Zoom who’s taken his father, but it’s back with everybody at the West house.

“It’s been too long.”

The first words spoken in the longest five minutes any of them had felt in their lives.

Iris shifted her gaze to Wally’s slightly twitching figure and saw his thoughts churning. He looked about to speak a few times but he never did and she was glad. Probably no one else was thinking of it at a time like this, but Wally was the only one in the room who hadn’t known The Flash’s identity, and now…well, he did.

All that was inconsequential right now though. No one knew where Zoom had gone, if Barry had caught up with him, or even if Henry was still alive.

Iris clenched the back of the chair she stood behind, her own wheels spinning inside her head trying to come to terms with a course of action.

The fellow doctor Henry had just been flirting with appeared to be in a state of shock, along with everyone else. Horror was streaked all across Caitlin’s face. Having had to see her kidnapper in the flesh again, even if indirectly had shaken up her newly restored confidence. Joe had worry and shock and the fear of what was to come emanating throughout him. Cisco’s wheels appeared to be turning too.

“I…I can’t, I mean…our stuff is at the lab so—”

With a shaky hand, Caitlin covered Cisco’s trembling fingers in understanding. There was no way to reach Barry.

“Where could they have gone?” Joe asked, looking around to everyone except his daughter. To her, he only flicked a glance, fear coursing through him that she knew _exactly_ where.

“Someplace…”

“-painful,” Caitlin finished Cisco’s statement, swallowing hard as she did so, remembering her experience with that monster. “Zoom hates Barry, and Barry just won. He has to hit him where it hurts. He has to take him—”

“Home,” Iris finished. Caitlin nodded and lowered her head. Iris fixed her eyes on her dad’s. “Dad, you know where Barry is. Zoom took him _home_.”

Joe nodded and covered his face with his hand, hiding any oncoming tears.

Silence resumed over the room, heavy and uncomfortable.

“Let’s go, Iris.”

Her head jerked to who’d spoken. Her eyes fell surprisingly on Wally.   The _what??_ clear in her eyes was more from the fact that he’d _known_ what she planned to do more than the actual idea itself.

Joe seemed to understand immediately what he’d missed and what he was sure was being discussed telepathically between his children.

“Wally…I – ”

“It’s okay, dad.” He turned to him and gave him a reassuring nod. “I understand why you didn’t.” He turned back to Iris. “But I know you want to do this, Iris. The Flash – _Barry_ , he’s your best friend. He’s your…” he let the words go unanswered.

Iris closed her eyes, afraid to relive her last precious moments with Barry for all the pain that he might be going through right now.

“You can’t go, Wally,” Joe’s defiant, protective parent voice emerged from beyond her closed lids. “It’s too dangerous. And there’s nothing – ” Iris opened her eyes. “There’s nothing _either_ of you can do.” He switched his gaze to everyone else in the room. “None of us can help him. By the time even one of would get to STAR Labs…it might be too late.”

No one said a word, all accepting the fate that’d been dealt to them.

“All we can do,” Joe continued, “is stay put and wait for Barry to come back. If we go to where he is now…we’re putting ourselves in danger. The last thing Barry needs now is to have two, or more, people to save.”

Wally and Iris shared a look and she nodded.

“I’m driving,” she said and started past everyone and their protests, even her dad’s.

“ _Iris_ ,” his loudest, most broken command made her stop.

She looked at him through a tear-blurred vision of her own.

“Don’t do this,” he whispered. The _I can’t lose you, I can’t lose both of you, it’s too risky_ …hung in the air, unspoken but understood, yet excused.

She swallowed several times to find her voice.

“Dad, whatever’s happened, or is happening, or might happen…” her breath caught. “It’s done already.”

Joe let out a shuddering sigh.

“We’ll be fine,” she said.

He nodded just barely and watched his two children walk out the door. Behind him Cisco and Caitlin were talking, how if Barry wasn’t where they all thought he might be that contacting him via the intercom in his suit would be the only way of knowing where he was. Soon after they, along with almost everyone else were on their way to STAR Labs for a Plan B.

The door closed behind them and Joe stood there for a long time, wondering how such a happy ending had turned so horrible so quickly. He came and sat beside Doctor McGhee on the couch who had yet to say a word. He sunk into the cushions and let himself go numb with the fear of the likely reality.

……………

 

“Wally, I need you to go.”

He turned and looked at her as if she’d lost her mind.

The _what?!_ was cut off when she quickly turned and looked at him, tears gone and a fierce expression replacing them.

“If Henry is _really_ dead, I don’t even know if Barry will let _me_ talk to him, let alone have you around when he’s in that condition. It might not dawn on him right away, but soon enough it’ll click that you know his true identity. He doesn’t need that burden to bear.”

Iris made no apologies for not telling Wally about Barry’s superhero identity. Not earlier, not now and he suspected she wouldn’t in the future either. He understood why none of them hadn’t, and strangely enough he knew that even if eventually he became annoyed by the fact that they’d all left him in the dark, he’d never be mad at Iris.

“And if he saved his father?” he asked.

She swallowed. “Well, then he can speed all of us back home then, can’t he?”

“Iris…”

“Wally, please. I need to do this on my own.”

He nodded and let her go.

“Be careful,” he said and she assured him with the faintest of smiles and a wave of her phone, explanation enough that she’d call or text if she needed him.

Still, when he drove away, he went around the block, and when she was out of sight inside Barry’s childhood home, Wally parked across the street and watched it from his rearview mirror, sunk into darkness to remain unseen.

 

…………

 

She didn’t say a word when she entered the house she’d entered often as a child, before it became a haunted house for Barry and a horror for all those who heard about it.

She hadn’t bothered with a jacket and she’d taken off her heels outside so Barry wouldn’t get skittish and in the event that Zoom was there, maybe lack of sound would make him less aware. It was a weak excuse, that second one, but she was almost one hundred percent sure Zoom had gone. She couldn’t feel his electric, humming aura in the vicinity. She sensed some presence though. When she moved around the corner to see it, the worst was confirmed.

Barry, hunched over crying silent tears, and his father laying lifeless on the floor beneath him, no trace of Zoom in sight.

She swallowed and took a few quiet steps forward. Absorbed in his grief, Barry didn’t hear her approach.

“Barry?”

The barest of whispers, but it got through to him. He turned around suddenly, prepared to lash out, still holding his father’s body in his arms, he stilled when he saw her and then collapsed further towards the floor.

“Oh Barry…”

She moved toward him and he didn’t even try to retract. He let her hold him as he blubbered about the worst loss of all. She didn’t know what to say, didn’t think anything would make this pain go away. So she just held him for the longest time till he clung to her, soaking her dress till it was drenched in his tears.

“He took him…” he blubbered. “He _took_ him…and…right in _front of me_ …to _prove_ I’d be just like him…I begged, but he…and my dad, my” he choked on his breath. “My _dad_ , he’s just…he’s gone, Iris.” His eyes filled with tears again and he cried harder. “My dad is _gone_.”

That lifeless body between them, she knew it only made it worse. She knew Barry wouldn’t leave but that he needed to. That seeing his father dead in the same place he’d discovered his mother dead was too much. It wouldn’t just be tonight he grieved, but many nights, for a long time.

He felt guilty for letting his mom die in the past but now he’d feel for guilty than ever. He might be reckless, unreasonable, and she feared most of all what that would lead to. But tonight he was just vulnerable and in shock. What happened now would determine what followed in the future.

“Bare,” she whispered softly, trying to urge him away.

“No-”

“Bare-”

He lifted his head.

“I can’t go back, Iris. Not even you can make me, and I’m not leaving, I can’t—”

“Hey.” She cradled his face in her hands. “You don’t have to see anyone right now. Okay?”

He nodded, sighing out his sadness.

“But…” she swallowed. “There will be a wake” he cried out “and a funeral”

“Oh god…I can’t. I can’t believe this…”

“Bare—” She forced him to look at her. “Don’t spend the night crying over your dad’s…body.”

“And how should I spend it, Iris? You tell me.”

Irrational anger and annoyance was starting to show. She braced herself.

“Spend it with me.”

He blinked in confusion. “What?”

“Race us back to my apartment. I can call my dad…have him pick up…” she swallowed, unable to even say the words out loud to herself. “Your dad will be safe at STAR Labs until we figure out what to do.”

“What to _do_?”

Anger rose high in him, but she quieted it with an urgent whisper of his name.

“I’ll hold you all night, Barry. I promise you.”

With great reluctance, he nodded and they both stood to their feet. She excused herself to make the call to her dad, and then informed Wally to cross the street to assist after they’d left.

Ten minutes later, she took Barry’s hand in her own and walked out onto the front step.

“Run, Barry.”

He turned to look at her.

“Take us away from here.”

In a blur of red he took her in his arms and raced across the city until they were in front of her apartment door. He took the key out of her hand before she could blink and then they were inside in the dark apartment that used to be Eddie’s and now was supposed to be his comfort in the wake of his life’s most painful tragedy.

“I can sleep on the couch, Iris,” he found himself saying, despite all his raging emotions.

She came to him and held his face in her hands again.

“Not tonight, Bare.”

She took his hand and guided him into the darkness of her bedroom.

……………

 

The sun streamed in through the slightly opened window blinds awaking Barry from a nearly restless sleep. He stirred a little, then realized he was in an unfamiliar bed. The night flashed before him. Iris. His dad. Zoom. Heartbreak. Rescue. And no Iris on the bed beside him. Had she taken the couch?

He looked down at himself and discovered he was in the t-shirt he’d had underneath & a pair of Eddie’s pajama pants – _not creepy at all_ , but he told himself not to be picky at a time like this and he wasn’t. It would be weird if he’d had some of his own clothes at Iris’s, when he didn’t think he’d ever even been there. And he hadn’t wanted to race home, didn’t want to face anyone after what had happened.

His lips almost parted in a call to Iris but for some reason sound felt like a reality of _the day after my father was murdered_. He looked around the room instead. Then quietly climbed out of bed and checked the bathroom attached along the floor wall.

No Iris.

Panic started prickling all over his arms and legs. There was no sound of movement other than his own, no sound of cooking or utensils chiming against each other in the kitchen. No sound of a TV on or a window opening and the chirping of birds outside.

Unable to withstand staying where he was a minute more, he walked out into the hall and down the way until he reached the kitchen. There he found Iris sitting at the table, nursing a cup of coffee and staring out the window above the sink that she couldn’t really see out of from the angle she was sitting at. But when he entered the room, she turned her head and gave him a knowing half-smile.

“Hey Barry,” she said softly. “Did you sleep?” A wrinkle of concern colored his voice and he knew then that they had slept in the same bed, because she knew without saying so how restless his night had been.

Instead of answering, he came and sat beside her in the next chair. She set her coffee mug down and extended a hand to him. He took it, held it and then lay his head on it. Iris scooted closer and stroked his face with his other hand. She weaved her fingers through his hair soothingly, caressing every part of his face that looked like it ached for his touch.

Then, without warning, he lifted his head and tears streamed down his cheeks.

“He’s still…” He nodded, knowing the rest.

“Yeah,” she whispered, nodding in return.

Before his tears turned into wracking sobs again she embraced him, held him tight, ran her hands down his back and across his shoulders, willing her touch to soothe the wild, tortured currents raging inside him.

He didn’t say a word, didn’t cry hard like he’d done for hours before falling into a fragile sleep, while holding onto her like a lifeline. Iris could feel the tears running down his face, but aside from the sniffles, there wasn’t another sign of it.

After awhile she pulled back to look at him. The sight of his red-eyes, tear streaked face made her heart bleed.

“I don’t want to cry anymore,” he said.

“Okay,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

“I didn’t sleep. Not really. And I don’t want to eat or drink or…” He got up from his seat and started to pace. “I just want…I want to erase what happened last night. I want to kill Zoom. I…”

Her eyes widened and she stood. “Barry—”

“He’s taken everything from me, Iris. _Everything_!”

She stood still and watched him, both wide-eyed, both on the verge of something scary. She swallowed hard, but found she couldn’t look away.

“I…I know. And we will stop him. We will.”

He was almost incredulous with how sure she was, as sure as he’d been when she’d told him a little fear was okay.

“But maybe today…” she continued, “Maybe you could…forget?”

“ _Forget_? Forget that Zoom murdered my father? Forget that after everything, we still lost? Forget that for all my fearlessness, all of you – all of you – were right all along when you said it wasn’t right for me to be so sure of success? I can’t _forget_ that, Iris. You can’t make me.”

She came to him, full of determination, and clasped his face tightly between her hands.

“You are the hero of this city, Barry Allen. Me, Cisco, Caitlin, my dad…we’re all a team helping you save people over and over. But if your head isn’t clear, if you’re driven only my angry emotion, you will forget _us_ and we will all be lost.”

He was going to storm out, but then he realized he didn’t know where he’d go. He suddenly felt safe nowhere but here. He wanted to escape this conversation, to be allowed to be angry without regretting something he’d say or something he’d do, but he didn’t want to leave. Because here in this space was the only one he trusted with his inexplicable pain.

“What do you want me to do, Iris?” he asked, his voice nothing more than a broken whisper of anguish.

“I want you to pretend, just for one day…or maybe even just a few hours, that you’re safe here, that nothing can touch you, that everyone is okay. Just…” She loosened her grip and he moved closer, their foreheads touching, their noses brushing. “Let me help you take the pain away.”

She angled her head just slightly and captured his lips with her own, taking as much comfort from the experience as she hoped he was.

“Iris…” he breathed shakily. “This won’t—”

She kissed him again.

“Shh,” she murmured and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Just kiss me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what about that ending? Did they just kiss a few more times and try to have a detox sort of day? Did they have sex as a way of helping Barry forget for awhile and numb himself to the pain he’s currently feeling? Who knows? You decide! Personally, I think it’s much too soon for them to take that step, but under circumstances like these…anything is possible.


	6. 2x23

He closed his eyes and _ran_ , ran harder than he’d ever run in his life. He felt the lightning pumping through his veins, the speedforce glowing and vibrating around him. He ran faster still and _focused_ , focused on memories that felt more like dreams, only the most precious still intact in his mind.

 _“Barry, no!”_ he heard.

Iris’s voice. He couldn’t decipher if it was the past he was trying to return to or the timeline he now hoped was behind him. In every universe, every timeline, he apparently did something that caused Iris West to panic.

He searched for a different memory, a stronger one, something unique and grounded in the reality he wanted to return to.

“ _Maybe we were meant to be together”_

_“_ **You** _, Barry,_ **that’s** _who I want to see if I have a future with”_

Stronger, brighter, he could feel himself resurfacing, his past and present melding together.

_“…and when you get back, I’ll be here.”_

And then…

A burst. A clear picture of that night. This street. The way it’s supposed to look. A memory that was solidifying more and more, now longer fogged up with the new experiences the altered timeline had given him. He came to a stop.

His past self blew past him in a blaze of red.

He knew where that self was going, off to the past, off to change everything because the grief that consumed him was too much to keep him in this life.

But he also knew that only minutes earlier _he_ had been where his past self was. He had prevented the desperation from overriding common sense and the knowledge of just how bad the consequences could be.

Once persuaded, his past self ran back, and he _himself_ – the guy who had changed the timeline by saving his mother – started to fade away. Blackness surrounded him and he thought for sure he was dying, that he was fading out of existence now that he’d taken back the act that had changed everything.

But, he regained consciousness and found himself running back in time to the night he’d left Iris. He felt the pain from his past self, resisting the seemingly unquenchable need to right the wrong of his mother’s death. But he also had his experiences from the new timeline, his feelings, his resolution. The two melded together, and the latter won out. He was Barry completely, feeling everything that had happened and he was coming home.

One house away from his _home_ , Barry looked into the window and _saw_ – saw Iris sitting near Joe, and he remembered she’d just told him she loved him. She’d said she would wait for him no matter what. Because he’d waited for her, she would wait until he was whole again.

He switched out of his suit and quickly went up the steps. He opened the door and walked into the room, hovering in the doorway. No one except Iris looked up. She smiled slightly, quiet understanding from their prior conversation in her eyes, and he knew then that this is what he should have done.

He moved his head in a gesture to join him outside the room, and she inconspicuously got up and followed him back onto the porch where _she_ had been only moments earlier. He waited until she’d closed the door behind them before turning around to face her.

“What’s up, Bear?”

He watched her, not knowing if he had it in him to tell her everything that had happened. The concern and curiosity in her gaze would soon evolve into another question and for all the things he wanted to say to her, the desperation of a different kind pushed him into action.

He closed the distance between them and kissed her. There was passion this time, not a tender brush of the lips as they bid farewell.

“B-Barry,” she gasped, pulling away after a few steamy kisses. “What…what’s going…”

He said nothing, but her shocked wide eyes soon filled with understanding again.

“Oh,” she whispered.

“I went back,” he said finally. “I changed things. I was so sure if I could stop…”

“ _Barry_ …”

 “That maybe my life- this city, this _world_ – would be better off, but…it wasn’t. In the long run it didn’t fix anything. And I…I lost you.” His voice broke. “I lost you in every way you can possibly lose someone, and I realized, a world without you in it – without _us_ – isn’t a world I want to be a part of, even if I have to lose both my parents in the process.”

She reached up and laid her hand lightly on his cheek. He closed his eyes and turned into the curve of her palm.

“Barry, if you didn’t find peace with everything…if I’m your only reason…” She bit her lip. “You’ll regret that too.”

“ _No_ ,” he said. “I _have_ come to peace with it. I know you can’t possibly grasp that because for you it was only moments ago that I said I was too broken to try anything with you, but… that’s changed now. You have to believe me.”

She nodded. “I believe you,” she said softly. “If you’re sure you’ve found peace with everything, if it’s not just about me, if you’ve really healed, if you’re not broken anymore…”

“I’m not,” he said, and took her hand. He kissed her knuckles and looked into her eyes, convincing her without words.

“Okay,” she said, and smiled. “If you want this—”

He placed her hands around his neck, leaned down and kissed her again.

“Nothing I want more in the world,” he murmured.

They kissed in the moonlight and everything else faded away.

Time slowed and it was only them.

It was as if they were the only two people in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXPLANATION OF TIME CHANGE – Ok, so...I feel like I may or may not have explained how Barry returned to the original timeline very well, so I’m going to do it here (in case there's any confusion). Basically, after being in the altered timeline for a certain period of time, Barry realized he had make a horrible mistake in the act of saving his mother, so he runs back in time to that night & prevents his past self from saving her. He convinces his 2.23 self to go back to Iris because if he goes through with what he feels like he needs to do, he’ll regret it. His past self agrees and starts to run back in time, but now present Barry feels himself start to fade away – much like his past self was fading away after he saved his mother (what we saw in the finale). BUT, he regains consciousness while his past self is running back in time. His past self and his present self meld together as one person. He has to fight the intense grief that his past self was holding onto, but eventually his current feelings and experiences win out and by the time he bursts back out to the West house, he’s himself again entirely.
> 
> I hope that makes sense. It’s the best I could think of in two hours or less while writing this. If it’s an epic fail, maybe I can come up with something better for my multi-chap. If it does make sense though and sounds awesome, please let me know and I’ll stick with it for the story I hope to start soon. Heh.  
> As always, thank you for reading and reviewing. Hope this was a satisfying end to the series of what-comes-next in the final six episodes of season two. 


End file.
